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莊淑旂博士的話

02/08/2008 11:19 am



我是生長在日據時代,一個極度傳統重男輕女的舊社會裡,在父母眼中,我從小就揹負著被歧視的性別角色成長。

我的阿娘在我小時,曾再懷一男胎,但不慎跌倒而導致流產,爾後造成不孕。阿娘為此傷心不已,也時常抱怨為什麼我是一個女孩,而不是一個男孩?

當我輕呼阿娘時,阿娘經常會哭訴自己命苦,因為阿娘自小就失怙,她聽到我叫「阿娘」時,總是勾起她對她母親無限的思念和響往。

阿嬤生完我母親後,因感染鼠疫過世,因鼠疫是當時一種嚴重傳染病,所以阿嬤病逝後,立即以草蓆包裹屍體用火燒毀。這是我阿娘一生無法釋懷的傷痛,也因此產生對「阿娘」這兩個字一生的陌生,和特殊的敏感。

阿嬤的的故事,阿娘經常會在我耳邊訴說,所以自小我就經常到書舖去尋找有關瘟疫學的書,我一直希望在字裡行間,能找到方法去解開傳染病的謎?我曾向母親說如果有機會,我一定要專心研究以解開這個謎,但阿娘總是淡淡冷冷的說:「女孩子沒路用!免肖想!」。

父親也因母親只生我ㄧ女兒,時常會遺憾膝下無子,而感鬱悶,有一次看到朋友連生兒子,父親會有好多天酒飯不思,憂愁滿面。我按耐不住開口問父親為何故?

父親生氣的說:生你這個查某仔,大漢是外頭神,有何用?」,我立刻安慰父親說:「我不嫁人,我要好好侍奉父母。」父親頓時轉悲為喜。

父親當時開藥舖,偶爾會有人來向父親請教、看病、及買藥方,父親會將傳統自然療法指導需要的人,也經常工作忙到三餐無法按時吃飯。父親正正當當、實實在在的開藥舖攢錢養家,當時的收費大人2角、小孩1角,但生活在日據時代,政府對藥種商的定義是只能夠賣藥,若涉及到看病、指導就是違法,是一種密醫的行為,也是一個犯法的罪名。有一天,日本巡佐突然來,父親趕緊收拾藥舖,日本巡佐對父親說你不是國醫,你是違法、犯罪的密醫。父親處於整日緊張、害怕、又忙碌的不良環境。

在我19歲那年,父親因大腸癌過世。

我的先夫菸、酒不沾,是一個很認真,且遵循孝道的男人,他依照我父親的要求,辛勤的養蜂。那時的台灣正因戰爭進入非常時期,先夫經常感到疲勞肩酸,且很容易感冒,先夫求助於醫師,醫師診斷為肺結核,所以長達二年的時間,醫師以肺結核治療。有一天,我為先夫換內衣時,看到他頸上有一大粒淋巴,我立刻請教醫師,醫師說我過於神經質,又說我運氣好,因為癌症在當時是被認為不吉祥的病症,一種被判死刑的絕症,經過二個月後,我發現先夫頸上淋巴越來越大,病情日加嚴重,先夫的呼吸越來越不自由,我特托人替先夫做切片檢查,當時的切片檢驗須十幾天才能知道結果,等不及報告出來,先夫就已病逝,事後得知檢驗結果,證實先夫罹患肺癌。先夫因肺癌過世時,我26歲,。

這兩個我一生鍾愛的男人,先後離我而去。在他們生病過程中,我親身體驗到癌症病患的痛苦,以及家人的無助,我甚至希望自己能分擔或替代他們的痛苦,那是一種叫天天不應、叫地地不理的絕望。

當時的英國王室伊莉莎白女王的夫婿喬治六世,因身體微恙,經國醫診斷為肺結核,因須開刀拿下四根肋骨才可以進行治療,在開刀時,才發現不是肺結核而是肺癌。而我的先生病逝時,醫師的診斷仍為肺結核,但經切片檢驗結果,卻證實為肺癌不是肺結核。同樣的診斷誤差,卻發生在貴族與平民身上。因為這些因素,也加深我想要硏究「如何做正確的診斷?」!於是我立志要是有時間、有經濟能力時,我一定專研有關癌症種種成因,生活方式和怎麼減輕癌症末期的痛苦措施,更重要是,如何預防癌症。也因為自己有這樣親身的際遇和疑慮,促成我產生強烈的念頭,更堅定且積極的以此為方向,於是我決定赴日習醫。

在我41歲那年獲得日本慶應大學博士。我研究論文主題是:癌症末期減輕痛苦的研究。在我研究過程中,我發現中國醫學所提及氣與力的相互關係,是多麼的微妙和通暢,若一個人的氣不通,身體細胞容易老化變成廢物,慢慢會產生自家中毒,細胞未老先衰,接著也慢慢發生慢性病,當然也慢慢蘊量為癌症的前兆,因而產生癌症;若一個人氣通的話,身體的細胞是健康且完美的,除了會返老還童,更能防治萬病。我因為發現這麼神奇的理論,並真實的理解它的奧秘,且進一歩發現肺、腸,各司身體表、裡的相關性,於是我將這些關聯性的發現和理論,實際運用在病患中,經多次的實證,讓我在癌症末期的病患中,知道如何運用自然的力量來減輕患者的痛苦。


本文轉載自臺灣“莊淑旂博士”網
71页(共72页)






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